'Tis a Gift to Be Simple

Lately, I've been feeling the need to simplify my life, de-clutter my environment, find solitude in being alone.

First, I have felt the need to change my diet a bit, meaning I have decided to stop eating meat for awhile. There was one particular week where I started to notice, or at least that week I noticed, I was eating a lot of chicken and beef. This was unintentional (I was over at others' apartments and it was the meal being shared). It hit me, then, that I wasn't even enjoying it, but it actually grossed me out a little. This week I made a ham and cheese sandwich with this delicious rosemary ham I get at Trader Joe's, and I couldn't even finish it! I also had bought some BBQ pulled pork from TJ's, and same thing happened with that. These food items had already been purchased before my realization that I wanted to go meatless for awhile. Now, I'm not about to be extreme or anything. I'm not necessarily claiming vegetarianism forever, but I'm just saying I think my body is telling me something, and I'm trying to listen. But ya know, shopping at Traders tonight was a much simpler experience, and I quite enjoyed it. Thank heaven for this grocery store, because they offer so much in the way of non-meat items and it's cheap! I love me some TJ's!

Second, I have decided to get rid of the clothes, shoes, books, etc. that I do not use or need. I stayed up till almost 3am last night, clearing out my closet and drawers of unnecessary or just really old, worn out stuff. And, let's be real; I am NOT going to read the books I bought that have been uncreased, sitting on my shelf for months and months now. I had good intentions, I did read some of them and some in part, but they're just sitting there, collecting dust while trying to make me look "cultured". I must say, I did a dang decent job, though, with reading this summer, like I planned. (Don't ask me about re-learning the guitar or the Spanish language goals, please, 'cause those never got off the ground. Another time, perhaps!). I already filled one garbage bag full of stuff, and I'm sure there's more stuff awaiting their fate. Baby steps, guys. Baby steps.

And third, I haven't been feeling very social lately. And maybe that's because it seems no one is seeking my company. Everyone seems to have their niches or their clicks, and I'm still not really in one at this point. And that's okay. Besides, I'm a full-on adult now. I shouldn't be in any "clicks", right? It's okay that I had no plans Friday or Saturday night. Oh wait--I did have plans to babysit tonight, but then that got canceled. No one text-messaged or called to see what I was up to. I actually have experienced this each place I've lived, at one point or another. And frankly, I felt this way during some of my adolescence. I have almost always been the one to do the calling, rather than be the callee. I've accepted this fact, but every once and awhile it gets to me a little. Growing up, my best friend forever lived one house over from me, yet, I was 99.99-percent of the time going over to her house (and in fact, when I go home for a visit this is still the case, though it's more understandable now, since she's married and has a child in her own house). However, I must say, since I've moved to NYC she definitely calls me more than I call her. Too bad we're too far apart to meet up and hang out on the weekend! Anyway, my point in mentioning this is that it used to get me down, this whole "not being included or involved" thing. Even though I knew and still know it isn't personal and that I do have friends who like spending time with me and I do fun, social things often, I used to let it get me down. After thirty years (at least half of that spent in the "social world"), I'm learning to appreciate my alone time. Time to myself. Time to think. Time to just be with me. I saw this on a friend's blog and had to steal it and re-share it, because it is truly perfect to how I feel and beautifully stated in a poem by the poet herself (Tanya Davis).



Society is afraid of alone, though
Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements
Like people must have problems if, after awhile, nobody is dating them
But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless
And lonely is healing, if you make it

So perfect. So true.