I'm Learning

Today I witnessed my first "match meeting" at my internship, where the woman considering adoption meets the person(s) she is considering to become the parent(s) of her child. Yeah. I think that's the most vulnerable state of all parties involved--nothing is official, but it's moving in that direction as if it is. Well, kind of. This is the step in the process that's just one or two steps before signing papers and making the adoption complete. It's very thought-provoking to watch this whole process and see how it works "behind the scenes". My mind is constantly going, trying to observe and understand what is going on beneath the surface and how everyone is doing. I am constantly putting myself in the shoes of the other person (on both sides), and how I would feel if I were them. The problem with that is, they are NOT me. I think and react and process things totally different than how someone else may think, react, and process things. While it's important to be empathetic, I'm learning that I can't always be so, at least, not as much as I want to be. I can desire to understand and I do try and see things from their perspective, and that's a main part being a social worker. I won't always be able to relate, but lately I've noticed how I always try to by self-disclosing something that is totally unrelated or, more importantly, unnecessary, to the situation/problem at hand. Does it help the goal? If not, then don't share it. My supervisor pointed that out to me recently. I'm realizing that it's my way of trying to put myself on their level, to not be an authoritative figure, to try and make them feel comfortable, that they can trust me. But again, my supervisor is teaching me that I don't really need to do that to accomplish that comfort or trust with the clients. She said my "warmness" is conveyed without having to disclose things about myself. That statement really made me feel good about myself and more confident in my ability to do this work. It's close to the original thought I had when I decided to become a social worker, that people often find me easy to talk to and feel comfortable quickly around me.

I know I'm not always the most warm and fuzzy person. In fact, I feel like I've been quite the opposite lately. But I'm grateful to be learning a lot about myself this year and feel like I'm getting closer to understanding my role in this field. There is hope, yet. My new view tells me so.